Harry Potter for Dummies
by Spasmodic dust bunny
Summary: COMPLETE Harry Potter is a wizard! Wow, says Harry. Now he is happy...
1. Chapter One

**A/N Okay, a little explanation. This fic was inspired by seeing the French version of Harry Potter, called Harry Potter at ****Magic****School****. No offense to the French, I just thought the title was funny. Thus began Harry Potter for Dummies. Is it the 'kid' version of Harry Potter, made non-violent and sexist on purpose. And just in case someone doesn't get it, this is a joke, hence the parody category. Its going to be posted five 'chapters' at a time, and the first book has seventeen chapters, so four altogether. Enjoy!**

**Dedication; This is for my cousin Hannah, for all the help you gave me, even if you don't like R/H. **

**Disclaimer; JK Rowling is the millionaire, I'm just the kid off to the side who has about five bucks total. You figure it out. **

**Chapter One; Lucky Harry**

            Mr. and Mrs. Dursley live at number four, Privet drive. They are normal and happy. It is nighttime at Privet drive. Everyone is asleep. A man is walking in the street. He is not asleep; he is awake. A woman and another man join him. The first man is called Dumbledore. He is old and wise. The woman is a teacher. The other man is named Hagrid; he is very tall. 

What is Hagrid holding? Dumbledore looks at it. It is a baby boy! The baby boy is a baby. He has a cut on his head. His name is Harry Potter. Hagrid says to Dumbledore "This is Harry Potter. He needs a place to live."

            "He can live here," answers Dumbledore. "Mr. and Mrs. Dursley are his aunt and uncle. They are normal."

            "Okay." says Hagrid. They put Harry on the doorstep. He will be happy with his aunt and uncle. 

            "Lucky Harry." says Hagrid.

**Chapter Two; A Trip to the Zoo**

            It was ten years later. Mr. and Mrs. Dursley were still normal. But Harry was not happy. Why wasn't he? He wasn't happy because of Dudley. Dudley is Harry's cousin. He is normal. Dudley had said bad things. He had said; "Harry is a very silly boy!" This made Harry sad. Bad Dudley, bad. 

            One day Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, Dudley, and Harry went to the zoo. There were animals at the zoo. Everyone was happy to see the animals. Harry looked at a snake. "Ooh" he said, "a snake!"

            "Hello Harry." Said the snake.

            "Hello snake." Said Harry.

            The snake climbed out of his cage. What happened to the glass? No one knows. 

            "Good-bye snake." Says Harry.

            "Good-bye Harry." says the snake. Harry waves good-bye to the snake. He is happy now that the snake is happy. What a fun trip to the zoo!

**Chapter Three; Harry Gets a Letter**

One day Harry got a letter. "Look!" He said, "I got a letter." Harry looked at the letter. Then he opened it. The letter said: 

            Dear Harry Potter,

                        You are a big boy now. It is time you went to school. Come to school with us. You will be happy.

                                                                                                From,

                                                                                                      Hogwarts

            "Okay," said Harry. "I will come to school with you." He is happy.

            The next day was Harry's birthday. Now he is eleven. What a big boy Harry is! He is happy.

**Chapter Four; The Big Man**

Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, Dudley and Harry were in a small house. The house was on a rock. The rock was on the sea. Someone was knocking on the door. Who can it be? Harry opens the door. There is a very big man standing there. "Hello," he said, "I'm Hagrid."

            "Hello." said Harry. He was happy that they had a visitor. 

            "I have come to take you to school." said Hagrid. "It is a special school for special people like you."

            "But remember," said Harry, "we're all special in our own little ways!"

            "That's right!" Said Hagrid. They were happy and special.

            Mr. and Mrs. Dursley were not happy. They did not want Harry to go to school. "You are too silly to go to school, Harry." They said. This made Harry very sad. Oh no! But Hagrid saves the day. He talks to Mr. and Mrs. Dursley. Then they let Harry go to school. Now Harry is happy again.

**Chapter Five; Shopping**

"Good morning!" Says Hagrid. It is the morning. Harry wants to go to school right away. But first he needs to buy his school things. Hagrid and Harry go to a place called Diagon Alley. Harry can get his school things here. 

Oh no! Harry doesn't have any money. What will he do?

"It's okay, Harry." Says Hagrid. "We can get money at the bank!" They go to the bank. There are funny things there. The funny things are very funny.

"Ha ha!" Laughs Harry, "Funny things!"  The funny things give them money. Now Harry can go shopping; he is happy.

They go shopping. Harry buys lots of things. He gets robes, and paper, and a hat, and books, and an owl, and a wand! What a lot of stuff Harry has! Now Harry can go to school like a big boy. He is very happy.

**Review? Please? With a chocolate frog on top?**


	2. Chapter Two

**A/N Mwahahaha... another chapter.**** Not much to say this time.  Much thanks to **jenniethepennie**, Talutha****, BrokenRoses****, j****, Kay**** and CaptainSpaghetti **for reviewing. ****You guys rock! *hands out chocolate frogs*****

**Disclaimer; La la not la la la mine la la **

**Chapter Six; Harry Makes a Friend**

To get to school Harry has to go on a train. Choo-choo! But how does Harry get on the train? Oh no! Harry is saved by a boy. The boy has red hair. 

            "You just have to walk onto the train," says the boy. 

"Wow!" says Harry. "It's like magic." 

"But remember," says the boy, "anything can be magic if you use your imagination!"

"That's right!" says Harry. He is happy. Harry walks on the train and sits down.

"Hello," says the boy.

            "Hello," says Harry. "My name is Harry. What is your name?"

            "My name is Ron," says Ron. "Do you want to be friends?"

            "Okay!" says Harry. He is happy that he has a friend. 

**Chapter Seven; A Funny Hat**

Harry and Ron go into the school. There is a funny hat in the school. The funny hat is very funny. The funny hat talks!

            "Ooh," say Harry and Ron. "A funny talking hat!" Harry puts the hat on. The hat says, "Hello Harry! I'm going to choose a house to put you in."

            "A house?" says Harry. "I like houses."

            "There are four houses. G house, R house, H house, and S house. I'm going to put you in G house. Do you think you can remember that?"

            "Yes" says Harry. "I am a big boy, I can remember." He is happy to be in G house. Ron is also in G house. Now they are both happy.

**Chapter Eight; Harry Goes to Class**

The next day Harry and Ron go to class. They are very happy. They get to go to Charms, and Potions and lots of other fun classes. But Harry and Ron do not like Potions. They think it is hard. Oh-no! But then they go to visit Hagrid and they are happy again. Yay!

**Chapter Nine; Flying**

One day Harry and Ron go to Flying class. What fun!

            "Wow!" says Harry. "The broomsticks can fly!" They get to fly on the flying broomsticks. They are happy.  Harry is very good at flying. He gets to be on the G house flying team! Lucky him. Now Harry is happy. 

            One day Harry and Ron walk into a room. There is a big dog in there. 

            "Nice doggy!" says Harry. He is happy to see the doggy.

**Chapter Ten; Harry Makes Another Friend**

Today is Halloween! Everyone is happy. But then Harry and Ron see a big ugly thing. The big ugly thing is about to hurt a girl. Oh no! Harry and Ron save the girl. Her name is Hermione. Now they are all friends! Everyone is happy.

**So...review please?**


	3. Chapter Three

**A/N Wow, it's been awhile, hasn't it? But I do have a valid excuse – my internet was down for almost a month. So, here's chapter three. After this is one last, short chapter with the last two book chapters. Thanks to **starla17**,** silverxSharpie**,** LUCIUS-is-LUSCIOUS**, **BrokenRoses**, **Neemphadourah Tawncks**, **CaptainSpaghetti **and** Lalaine1225 **for reviewing. Everyone's great. **

**Disclaimor; Same as before**

**Chapter Eleven; Flying Class**

Harry is very happy that he is on the flying team. Flying is fun! He has his own broomstick now. Lucky Harry! Today the G house flying team is playing a game with the S house flying team. Harry has to fly around and find the golden ball. Is that it? Yes it is! Harry catches the golden ball. Good job, Harry! Now G house has won the game. But that does not mean that S house has lost. No one loses and everyone is a winner! Harry is happy. 

**Chapter Twelve; Christmas**

            It is Christmas! Harry and Ron and Hermione get lots of presents. Harry is very happy. His favorite present is a cloak. 

"Ooh," says Harry, "pretty cloak!" But who sent the cloak? No one knows. Harry puts the cloak on. 

"Wow!" says Ron, "I can't see you anymore!" Wow, no one can see Harry when he puts on the cloak! Harry wanders around the school. No one can see him! Hahaha! Harry sees a mirror. 

            "Ooh," he says, "pretty mirror!" Harry looks in the mirror and sees two people. They are his parents! "Hi Daddy, hi Mummy!" says Harry. He is happy to see his parents!

**Chapter Thirteen; The Stone**

            There is something being hidden in Hogwarts. It is a secret. 

            "I like secrets!" says Ron. Hermione wants to find out what the secret is.

            "I know!" says Harry, "Let's play hide-and-seek" Hermione reads a book. It is a long book with lots of big words and no pictures but she is very smart so she can read it.             

            "Look!" says Hermione. "This book says that there is something called the Stone. It is very special. I bet that is what is hidden at Hogwarts!" Wow, Hermione is right! The three of them are happy that they know about the Stone.

**Chapter Fourteen; Hagrid's Secret**

Hagrid has a secret too. What is it? Hagrid's secret is that he has a dragon! It is a cute little baby dragon. The dragon's name is Norbert. Harry, Ron and Hermione find out about Norbert. They want Norbert to be happy, so they help him fly away into the night sky. Now everyone is happy. But then they get into trouble for going out at night. Oh no!

**Chapter Fifteen; The ****Forest******

Harry, Ron and Hermione are very upset that they got into trouble. Poor them! Because they were bad they have to go into the forest and help Hagrid. They go into the forest. It is dark and scary. Oh no! Harry sees a unicorn in the forest. Ooh, pretty unicorn! Then they go out of the forest and everyone is happy again. 

**A/N The bribe of chocolate frogs still stands…**


	4. Chapter Four

**A/N See, that wasn't that long, was it? So, this chapter is the last one. I might do a sequel, if enough people want me to *coughreviewcough* Here are the last two chapters of the first book. It's shorter, since it's two instead of five, but these chapters are actually fairly long. So be happy. Thanks and chocolate frogs ****to **Myesyats**, **Aindel S. Druida**, **CaptainSpaghetti** and **LisaQT3 **for reviewing. Everyone rocks. **

**Chapter Sixteen; The Tests**

            Harry, Ron and Hermione want to find the Stone because it is so special. But someone else wants to find the Stone too. They don't know who the other person is, but he is very bad. 

            "Let's go find the Stone!" says Harry.

            "Okay," says Ron. "I like hide-and-seek!" To get to the Stone they have to take tests. There are lots and lots of tests and they are very hard, but Harry can get through them! The first test is to get past the big dog. 

            "Nice doggy!" says Ron. Then they walk into the next room. The second test is to get past some flowers. 

            "Ooh, pretty flowers!" says Hermione. They walk into the next room. This test is to catch a flying key.

            "Yay!" says Harry. "I like flying!" He catches the key and they go into the next room. The next test is to play a game of chess.

            "Yay!" says Ron. "I like to play chess!" He plays a game and wins. But oh no! Ron is hurt.

            "I got a boo-boo! He cries, "I can't go on!" Harry and Hermione are very sad to leave Ron behind, but they have to. The two of them go into the next room. This test is to get past a sleeping troll. 

            "Look!" says Hermione, "a funny troll!" They go into the next room. There are bottles here. They have to pick a bottle and drink from it. Harry picks a bottle. 

            "This one will help us get to the next room," he says. Harry takes a drink. It is orange juice! 

            "Oh no!" says Hermione. "I don't like orange juice. I'll go back and help Ron with his boo-boo. You'll have to find the Stone yourself"

            "Okay!" says Harry. He walks into the next room. 

**Chapter Seventeen; The End**

Harry finds out who the very-bad-person-who-wants-to-get-the-Stone-too is. It is a man named Voldemort. He is very bad and doesn't like Harry. Oh no! Harry needs to get the Stone before Voldemort does. He looks in a mirror and sees the Stone. 

            "Ooh," says Harry. "Pretty stone!" Now he has the stone and is happy. Harry runs away from Voldemort. Will he make it? 

            Harry makes it. Now he goes and talks to Dumbledore, because Dumbledore is very smart and knows everything! Dumbledore says that the Stone is safe and that Harry did a good job.

            "Yay!" says Harry, "Do I get a smiley face sticker?" But then Dumbledore says that Voldemort has escaped. He is angry and wants to make Harry sad. Oh no! But Harry doesn't have to worry about him now. He gets to play with Ron and Hermione, and everyone is happy. It is the end of the school year. Harry has to go home now, but he will come back next year. Harry is happy.

**A/N Well, there you go. Review and I too shall be happy.**


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